Final Fantasy VII- The Musical (Version 0.1)
by Uncle Elmo
Summary: Take your seats for the MUsical performance of the Plot of FFVII, featuring Parodies of songs from Musicals, past and present.


Final Fantasy VII – The Musical  
  
Author's note- For sanity's sake, HUGE liberties have been taken with the plot, but hey, just enjoy it and don't worry about that alright? It was hard enough writing these lyrics as it was alright? But if you want to write your own song to slot in, the go ahead and E-mail me. Also it's not finished, and it won't be until I think of some new songs, alright? NE ways, tell me what you think…  
  
*Curtain raises, to reveal Aerith Standing alone under a spotlight*  
  
(Lonely Flower girl, a Parody of "Chim-Chimeree" from Mary Poppins)  
  
Sang by AERITH  
  
Flow flowery,  
  
Flow Flowery  
  
Flow, Flow-eree  
  
A flower girl is lucky  
  
As lucky can be  
  
Flow flowery,  
  
Flow Flowery  
  
Flow, Flow Fler-oo  
  
Good luck will rub off when  
  
I sell a rose to you,  
  
Take me on a date  
  
And you are lucky too  
  
Now as the ladder of life  
  
Has been strung  
  
You may think a Flower girl's  
  
On the bottommost rung  
  
Though I'm spending my time  
  
With dodgy kind of folks  
  
There's no happier girl  
  
I'm so sweet you could choke  
  
Flow flowery,  
  
Flow Flowery  
  
Flow, Flow-eree  
  
A flower girl is lucky  
  
As lucky can be  
  
Flow flowery,  
  
Flow Flowery  
  
Flow, Flow Fler-oo  
  
Good luck will rub off when  
  
I sell a rose to you,  
  
Take me on a date  
  
And you are lucky too  
  
*She walks forlornly off the stage, and the lights come up to show the SHINRA REACTOR SET*  
  
Cloud, Barrett come on Stage followed by Biggs wedge and Jessie.  
  
("The Mission", a Parody of "Leader of the Pack" by Some 60's girl band I can't remember, later covered by Bette Midler)  
  
Sang by JESSIE, BIGGS AND WEDGE  
  
"Hey, Jessie? Got those ID cards ready?"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Oh! Must be nice being on a mission like this huh?"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Looking forward to kicking Shinra's ass?"  
  
"Unh uh!"  
  
"Well what's the mission again?"  
  
Look we've gone over this before,  
  
We set the charges and we flee,  
  
Ya get the picture? (Yes, we see)  
  
That's when we blow the reactors all to crap.  
  
First we put the explosives down.  
  
Down! Down!  
  
Then we hot tail it to the wrong side of town.  
  
We're sick of Shinra bein' Bad,  
  
Their polluting and such's got us mad,.  
  
And thats why we're blowing their reactors all to crap.  
  
One day the boss said said, "What you sain foo'?."  
  
Foo! Foo!  
  
And now we're not gonna rest,  
  
Until Shinra is through.  
  
And if you want to know why.  
  
Whe we're gonna make the President cry.  
  
Hey we're not sorry we hurt you,  
  
When we blow reactors all to crap,.  
  
So now it's time to kiss those Reactors goodbye.  
  
Drink beer as this reactor blows.  
  
Cloud, Set the timer for 5 minutes or three  
  
on this rainy, rainy night,  
  
Then sit back for one helluva show.  
  
But whether he heard me  
  
I'll never, never, never, never know!  
  
Look out now, now, look out!  
  
Whoa oh no no no! Whoa no no no! No! No!  
  
*BANG* The reactor blows up, but since we've got not enough money in the SFX BUDGET, the explosion of a Thousand Tonne Mako reactor is made using a Loud Bang and a puff of smoke. The Audience are too blown away by the Choeography that accompanies the gong, and Barrett singing Doo-wop backing vocals to notice.  
  
  
  
*Back at the Avalanche headquarters*  
  
Barret- Make yourself at home Cloud!  
  
Cloud- Really?  
  
(One of us – A Parody of "Consider yourself" from "Oliver")  
  
Consider yourself at home.  
  
Consider yourself one of the family.  
  
We've taken to you so strong.  
  
It's clear we're going to get along.  
  
Consider yourself well in  
  
Consider yourself part of furniture.  
  
There isn't a lot to spare.  
  
So Bend down, and consider yourself a chair!  
  
Consider yourself  
  
One of us!  
  
Barret- Let's bomb the Reactor again!  
  
Biggs, Wedge and Jessie- Yaaay!  
  
*They dance of stage to the tune of "the Mission"*  
  
TIfa comes on Stage,  
  
Tifa- Cloud!  
  
Cloud- Tifa! It's been…  
  
Tifa- 5 years, at least…  
  
Cloud- Tell me about it…  
  
*Marlene, Biggs and Wedge come on Screen*  
  
(A Promise – A Parody of "Summer Nights'" from Grease)  
  
SANG BY TIFA AND CLOUD (Backing by Marlene, Biggs and Wedge)  
  
C- Summer lovin' had me a blast –  
  
T- summer lovin', happened so fast  
  
C- I met a girl crazy for me -  
  
T- His hair was Spiky, with an IQ of three  
  
Both- Summer days driftin' away, to uh-oh those summer nights  
  
B & W -Tell me more, tell me more, did you get very far?  
  
M- Tell me more, tell me more, like, did he come from Shinra?  
  
C- She stood by me, she got a cramp  
  
T- he went by me, his pants were damp  
  
C- When I kissed her, she nearly drowned –  
  
T- He didn't show up, to mess around.  
  
Both - Summer sun, something's begun, but uh-oh those summer nights  
  
B & W- Tell me more, tell me more, was it love at first sight?  
  
M- Tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?  
  
C- She asked me out- I had it made,  
  
T- I din't shout, just a game that we played.  
  
C- We made out on the well by the clock -  
  
T- Stood me up at ten o'clock  
  
Both- Summer fling don't mean a thing,  
  
but uh-oh those summer nights  
  
B & W - Tell me more, tell me more, that you don't got her preg  
  
M- Tell me more, tell me more, cause he sounds like a drag  
  
T- It turned colder, that's where it ends -  
  
C- I joined SOLDIER and we'd still be friends  
  
T- Then we made our true love vow -  
  
C- Wonder what she's doin' now  
  
Both- Summer dreams ripped at the seams,  
  
but oh, those summer nights  
  
Tell me more, tell me more…..  
  
  
  
(The Next Day, an Intermission happens when people can go to the bathroom, or if they want to, throw up at the Cheesiness displayed on screen.)  
  
*BANG*  
  
The Curtain lifts to show Avalanche, minuis Cloud.  
  
  
  
Barrett – Great job guys! Hey! Where's Cloud?  
  
  
  
*Avalanche leave the stage, "looking" for Cloud in that sad little way actors in cheesy productions like this do*  
  
Cloud wakes up and finds Aerith looking over him  
  
Cloud- Hey! You're the flower girl!  
  
Aerith- Want some candy? It's tuppence a bag, helps the medicine go down.  
  
Cloud- No thanks.  
  
They're interrupted by The entrance of the Turks.  
  
Reno – Come with us Aerith!  
  
Aerith - Never!  
  
(Enter Turks – A Parody of Enter Sandman by Metallica)  
  
Sang by RENO  
  
SAY YOUR PRAYERS LITTLE ONE  
  
DON'T FORGET, MY SON  
  
TO INCLUDE EVERYONE  
  
TUCK YOU IN, WARM WITHIN  
  
KEEP YOU FREE FROM SIN  
  
TILL THE BADMAN HE COMES  
  
SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN  
  
GRIPPING YOUR PILLOW TIGHT  
  
EXIT: LIGHT  
  
ENTER: NIGHT  
  
TAKE MY HAND  
  
WE'RE OFF TO THE PROMISED LAND  
  
SOMETHING'S WRONG, I SEE THE LIGHT  
  
HEAVY THOUGHTS TONIGHT  
  
AND THEY AREN'T OF SNOW WHITE  
  
DREAMS OF WAR, MOGS ARE LIARS  
  
DREAMS OF METEORIC FIRE  
  
AND OF THINGS THAT WILL BITE  
  
SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN  
  
GRIPPING YOUR PILLOW TIGHT  
  
EXIT: LIGHT  
  
ENTER: NIGHT  
  
TAKE MY HAND  
  
WE'RE OFF TO THE PROMISED LAND!  
  
Aerith Runs and takes Cloud with her.  
  
Aerith- Let's go!  
  
They run and hide in this dark shack, and the lights come on to reveal "THE HONEY BEE IN".  
  
Cloud: what the hell is this place?  
  
(The Honey Bee in, a Parody of "Y.M.C.A" by the Village People)  
  
SUNG BY Mukki  
  
Young man! Come and get yourself Clean,  
  
I said, Young Man! I'm glad you come on the Scene,  
  
You can stay here, and be real happy and Gay,  
  
You have a bath night and Day….  
  
That's if you stay at the Honey Bee In,  
  
Hey come and stay at the Honey Bee I-inn,  
  
You can get your self clean, you can have a good meal,  
  
You can Do who, umm whatever you feel!  
  
  
  
Cloud- Let's get outta here!  
  
They try and run away and are reunited with Tifa and the gang.  
  
Aerith- Is this your.. girlfriend?  
  
Cloud- Umm.. *sings* Summer Lovin….  
  
Tifa- Oh shut up!  
  
While they're arguing, Aerith is kidnapped by the Turks, in case the Audience are still stunned by the "Honey Bee Inn" song a Snippet of "Enter the Turks" is played).  
  
Aerith- Help! I Need somebody!  
  
Cloud- I'm saving all my love for you!  
  
The Gang run off screen,  
  
They start ascending the neverending staircase….  
  
Tifa- We're on a Road to nowhere!  
  
Cloud- It's a kind of Magic.  
  
They find Aerith in a large jar, being harassed by Hojo.  
  
(Mad, a Parody of "Bad" by Michael Jackson)  
  
Sung by HOJO  
  
Her Butt Is Mine  
  
Gonna Take You Right  
  
Just Show her Face  
  
In Broad Daylight  
  
I'm Telling You  
  
On How I Feel  
  
Gonna Hurt her Mind  
  
Don't Shoot To Kill  
  
Come On, Come On,  
  
Lay It On Me All Right...  
  
I'm Giving You  
  
On Count Of Three  
  
To Show Your Stuff  
  
Or Let It Be . . .  
  
I'm Telling You  
  
Just Watch Your Mouth  
  
I Know Your Game  
  
What You're About  
  
Well They Say The Sky's  
  
The Limit  
  
And To Me That's Really True  
  
But My Friend You Have  
  
Seen Nothing  
  
Just Wait 'Til I Get Through . . .  
  
Because I'm Mad, I'm Mad-  
  
Come On  
  
(Mad, Mad-Really, Really Mad)  
  
You Know I'm Mad, I'm Mad-  
  
You Know It  
  
(Mad Mad-Really, Really Mad)  
  
You Know I'm Mad, I'm Mad-  
  
Come On, You Know  
  
(Mad Mad-Really, Really Mad)  
  
And The Whole World Has To  
  
Answer Right Now  
  
Just To Tell You Once Again,  
  
Who's Mad. . .  
  
RED XVII lunges at Aerith but misses and smashes the glass, he gets through and attacks HOJO, the rest run and make their escape, followed by Red.  
  
Tifa- What now?  
  
(Midgar, Midgar, a Paordy of "New York New York" by Frank Sinatra)  
  
SUNG By CLOUD  
  
Start spreading the news,  
  
We're leaving today,  
  
Don't want to be a part of it, Midgar, Midgar,  
  
,  
  
Don't want to wake up, in a city that never sleeps,  
  
We'll end up under a hill, fallen from the top,  
  
Because of those Shinra Creeps,  
  
Those Old Midgar blues,  
  
Have blown us away,  
  
Though we've blown up bout half of it,  
  
Good old Midgar  
  
Farewell to you, Midgar, Midgaaar!  
  
(Curtain comes down)  
  
  
  
(The whole bit with chasing Sephiroth through the Mythril caves ensues, I haven't written any songs for it yet, they meet Yuffie e.t.c)  
  
(Materia Girl, a Parody of, Well guess!)  
  
  
  
None will kiss me, No one hugs me  
  
I think that's O.K.  
  
If they don't have proper credit  
  
I just walk away  
  
They can beg and they can plead  
  
But they can't see the light, that's right  
  
'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash  
  
Is always Mister Right, 'cause we are  
  
Chorus:  
  
Living in a materia world  
  
And I am a materia girl  
  
You know that we are living in a materia world  
  
And I am a materia girl  
  
Don't like romance, I can't slow dance  
  
That's all right with me  
  
If they can't raise my interest then I  
  
Have to let them be  
  
I don't try to cheat and lie but  
  
Sometime I just play  
  
Guys who let me steal their pennies  
  
Make my rainy day, 'cause they are  
  
(chorus)  
  
  
  
Blah, Blah Blah, Aerith runs away, Blah…  
  
(Aerith's Prayer, a Parody of "I will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor)  
  
First I was afraid  
  
I was petrified  
  
Because I knew that coming here alone  
  
Was Suicide  
  
I used to lie awake at night,  
  
Since the night my Mom had gone  
  
and I grew strong  
  
So that mankind will get along,  
  
And now Meteo's back  
  
from outer space  
  
When I walked in my mind was clear,  
  
I had to get on Holy's Case  
  
I wish my father had forgot,  
  
I wish he hadn't found the key,  
  
To unlock the Crisis from the heavens,  
  
That's come back to bother me,  
  
Meteo now go walk out the door  
  
just turn around now  
  
'cause you're not welcome anymore  
  
Sephhy's the one who's tried to hurt us with goodbyes  
  
But do you think we'd crumble  
  
You think we'd lay down and die  
  
Well not while hope  
  
While hope survives  
  
As long as I summon Holy Above  
  
Mankind will stay alive  
  
I've got all my life to live,  
  
I've got all my love to give  
  
and we'll survive  
  
They will survive  
  
*Sephiroth drops and impales her*  
  
It's taking all the strength I have  
  
Not to fall apart  
  
I keep trying to mend  
  
the pieces of this world apart  
  
It's all decided on this night  
  
They're all depending on myself  
  
No need to cry  
  
Because I'll hold my head up high  
  
and you see me  
  
somebody new  
  
I'm not that chained up little person  
  
I am born anew  
  
and so you felt like dropping in  
  
and just expecting me to plea.  
  
but I'm saving all my loving  
  
So that I activate Holy…  
  
Meteo now go walk out the door  
  
just turn around now  
  
'cause you're not welcome anymore  
  
Sephhy's the one who's tried to hurt us with goodbyes  
  
But do you think we'd crumble  
  
You think we'd lay down and die  
  
Well not while hope  
  
While hope survive  
  
As long as I summon Holy Above  
  
Mankind will stay alive  
  
I've got all my life to live,  
  
I've got all my love to give  
  
and we'll survive  
  
They will survive  
  
  
  
The end… for now!  
  
*Elmo collapses from exhaustion* 


End file.
